Letter to Donald Trump from Adnan Sami Khan
By Nadeem F. Paracha on Feb 09, 2017
Dear Mr President,
First of all, I want to clarify that I am an ex-Pakistani. Please, bear this in mind, when you read this letter. I am now a full-fledged citizen of India and no more the miserable Pakistani that I once was.
I am writing to you to congratulate you on your fantastic victory in this year’s election; and, more so, on your brave, bold and visionary decision to ban travelers from seven Muslim countries. However, I must confess, I was rather surprised and shocked to note that Pakistan’s name wasn’t on the list.
Being a former Pakistani, I can tell you with certainty, Pakistan is a terrorist state. It has always been a terrorist state. Every Pakistani is a terrorist. This is not to suggest that I too was a terrorist when I was a Pakistani. I was kept in that country against my will and was fed lots of beef dishes.
Truth is, I tried to escape from Pakistan the moment I was born. But, alas, I was caught by a terrorist nurse who then tortured me by lifting me from my tiny feet and slapping me across the backside. Can you imagine the horror and the humiliation?
Well, I was forcibly beefed up by toxic terrorist meat, but never did I let go of my dream of one day escape and settle in the only true country in the region: India.
You see, Mr President, all our ancestors, yours including, came from India. This was told to me by one of the greatest scientists of India, Dr H Gobin Chandrasekhar. Yes, the same guy who first discovered and proved that ancient Indians were using nuclear-powered vacuum-cleaners more than 10,000 years ago.
I also want to thank you for planning a fruitful working relationship with our Prime Minister, the great and mighty Narendra Modi. He has promised me that after India annihilates Pakistan with its brilliant strategic strikes, he will personally punish that cruel nurse who tortured me when I was just a few minutes old. Terrorist witch!
Mr President, I urge you to put Pakistan’s name on the ban list. Pakistani travelers will destroy your great country like they destroyed me. My backside still hurts, you know.
Adnan Sami (aka Indiana Jones)
Taken from an article by Nadeem F. Paracha on Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com